worn out

September 3, 2013

these two words sum it up pretty well.
physically, emotionally, spiritually - all of the above. 

The past couple of weeks have been hard. Like really hard. We finished up our basement (yay!) but it drained us of everything. Energy, money, sanity, patience.. you name it - its gone. And not only did we sacrifice those things but we totally put our children on the back burner to get said things done. (I know, bad parenting 101) I've had a ton of guilt all week for that. So when we were finally finished and the weekend came Sterling headed off to his Man Trip, and I set off on my Women Trip. I had such high hopes for a relaxing, drama free weekend with the girls, and what do you know - it was neither relaxing or drama free. Turns out when you ignore your kids for a week they really pick up their best spaz game to get the attention that you neglected to give them for the entire week. I don't blame them. I was a bad mom this week. But then to have sleepless nights and crazy drama where you are targeted and its pointed out to you that you are a bad mom and that you ruined someone else's trip - that just plain sucks. Especially when it comes from someone you love, and especially when you are already self conscious about your parenting skills from the previous week. I cried - a lot. I've been trying this new thing lately where I'm trying to just really own and feel all my emotions - whatever they are - and be okay with feeling the way that I feel. I've been doing really good at it, and its been helping me feel more engaged in my own life - but going into this weekend I was already skating on thin ice. After that conversation (or scream fest - whichever you prefer) I totally shut down. Its easier to not even have to feel. Its easier to just be numb and un-present in your own life, that way it doesn't hurt so much, right? So after a terrible weekend, here I am. Tucked away safely at home, and in stretchy pants. I felt like I was doing so well. I was working out, I was eating good, I was feeling really good about myself, I was being really present in my own life, I was having fun with my kids (sans the last week), I was just in a good spot. Then real life hits ya, and now I feel like I'm tumbling head over heels down a rocky jagged cliff. Uggghh! Life sure is funny sometimes. But I'm not going to let it ruin my life. I've just got to move on and keep trying to be the person I want to be. 

Listening to: Honey - Mindy Gledhill
It feels like she is singing right to me.
I dare you not to love this song. 


  1. Julie! I am so happy I found your blog, but so sad to read this! I say you're amazing, the fact that you COULD finish your basement and keep your kids alive is an accomplishment! Seriously! Motherhood demands everything you have, all the time, and it's impossible to not have rocky days, or weeks, or months, when you are trying your best, probably especially when you're trying your best! I hope this person that was upset with you doesn't have any children, or else they've completely forgotten! I wish we lived closer, we could sit in our stretchy pants while the kids made a mess and just relax! Hope things are looking up today!

  2. Found your adorable blog!!!
    I am so glad someone else is self conscience of their parenting skills, I told someone that and they thought I was crazy! My mom once told me the nice thing about these years is our kids won't remember them. So we're allowed to learn, grow and make mistakes without them being able to remind us :)

  3. Feel free to come visit the next time your in Lethbridge! I'm about to do 10 weeks solo and could use all the visits I can get!


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